The Tree I falleth From…

As much as I have denied the notion of ‘being the fruit of the tree you fall from’, in some ways, I have known this to be true. Maybe - not in every sense - but in some ways that I will never truly know why. It is like a DNA thing, something imprinted in you, whether you like it or not.

So far you have known The Opiniator…here’s a brief peek into the tree that housed me for a good 20 something years…

My Father…


He is the man who carried me in his arms whilst my Darling mother’s arms were too full with my darling baby sister! I also gave him a scar to remember, a gash beneath his left eye: guess it was evident back then itself what a rough girl I really was J He would carry me in his arms and comfort me when Mom would punish me.

I grew up for the first 10 years of my life, wanting to be just like him, and the next 10 years, wanting to be anything other than him, as all teenage adults! Today, I feel I am somehow very much like him, in mannerisms, appearance, gait,..you name it! Leaving my thinking perhaps, I cannot differentiate myself from him more than I can differentiate myself from being a Sequeira! I smile like him, cry like him, talk like him, walk like him and even argue like him. I have no idea how, even when you are brought up in such different ways, you end up being the spitting image of your parents!


My Brother…


I am glad he gave me my beautiful name. I cannot imagine myself being called anything other than Anne. I mean…when for years you learn to respond to the sound of your name, it kind of creates a feeling of belonging like no other! That right there is your identity!

That being said, my sense of gratitude should probably end there. For, like any other siblings, my brother and I were like 2 kingdoms living in the same neighbourhood. When we played as a team, we made sure we won. When we played opposite, we made sure the other lost. And when we were not playing, well, we made sure we made the other’s life hell, or at least he did. I was never on the offensive, always the defensive player. He makes one wrong move and I go charging at him like a bull, screaming for his blood, well, or at least till it brings Mom running out of the kitchen with an angry look on her face and a red imported fly-beater in her hand, which was the most painful thing to be whacked by.

He was obviously the devil sibling! He would never think twice before playing pranks on me, insulting me, provocating me to strike back just in time for Mom to see my rash act! He is the boy who would shove bundles of rice into my plate when I was looking the other way, and I would always complain that it was not fair that I had to finish more rice on my plate while he had so little! He was my first playmate and also my last one, till I turned about 17 (an age where you have to give it all up).

He was someone who introduced me to a boy’s world of cricket and other sports, bikes and cars, and everything else that catches a guy’s fancy: like fixing the circuit of some broken device in the house (ok, I didn’t quite get this one until I graduated with an engineering degree)- how boys do that while they have not yet learned what a circuit is, is still a mystery to me!

He was also the only one to notice that I really had a crush on my neighbour (a boy the same age as me, my only other permanent playmate from the age of 4 till 17).

I owe all my playful childhood memories to my brother. If it wasn’t for cricket, badminton, and cycling, I wonder what I would have done in those days!


My Sister…


She is definitely the looker in the family. She can be a devil but you don’t have the heart to take it out on her thanks to that innocent face! When we were younger she was my Mom’s right hand and right eye. She would tail Mom everywhere, and while Mom was in one place in the kitchen, she would tail me and my brother. She would sit and observe EVERYTHING we do, and if she found us doing anything TECHNICALLY wrong, run she would to the kitchen to give her report. Within minutes, Mom would be on us, whacking us left and right, while my naughty sis would have the biggest smile on her face and even clap after the performance!!

My room was like a heaven to her (much like how my brother’s room was a heaven to me): an ideal playground where she could pull out whatever she wanted to, when I wasn’t around and then put it back in an EXACTLY wrong way, assuming that I wouldn’t know. Hitting her is something I never did often, but if ever I gave her a slight whack (thanks to my temper), she would cry MURDER and run to Mom. Mom as usual would think I really hurt her and give me another whack! Again that devilish smile on that adorable face!

She is also the only one, apart from Mom, who can ACTUALLY sing (unlike the grunts of my bro and the out-of-tune singing of my dad during the evening rosary brought in tune by me). She is someone who makes up for my lack of love for being inside a kitchen. She also makes up for all the girlie mannerisms I don’t exhibit: dressing up, jewellery, make-up and so on…

She is the apple of my eye and definitely the most precious asset in my materialistic life.




My Mom…


Here, I have saved the best for last. She was the rock that our family was built on and definitely the most irreplaceable part of our lives. She was my sole source of inspiration, perseverance and determination. There has never been another person in this world who believed in me more than she did. It would be an understatement if I said I owe EVERYTHING I am to her.

She was definitely the stricter parent, one who would not hesitate to use the rod. Back then, we were terrified of being whacked. Today, I am only thankful. She was a superwoman in every sense of the word. She single-handedly managed our home and all three of us boisterous kids. She would push through all obstacles and suffer the tears silently and strongly.

If I had not lived so closely with her for a good part of my life, I would never have had the courage to see her go. It’s strange how someone’s presence helps you deal with their absence.

She was the most humble person I’ve known and definitely the best woman I will ever know. I can’t imagine how empty my life would have felt, if I had not had a mother as awesome as her. I still miss her, every day, but the endurance of this emptiness comes from an understanding of how short all our lives are any way. I am just thankful I had the perfect Mom.


I guess that there is a reason why we come from the families we do. It is all a part of God’s plan for us. We are destined to love and hate the people we grow up with. We are also destined to feel one with these people, when we finally part ways to build our lives with others.

I guess, no matter how you feel about your family, you cannot deny one truth: They will always be a part of your life, and you too will always be a part of theirs.

A few unanswered questions….

Why is it that there will always be something out of our reach at every point of our lives?

Why does change disrupt our best-laid plans? And then why are we asked to embrace change?

Why is it that no matter how many mistakes we make in our life, we are bound to repeat them, learning the same damn lesson over and over again?

Why is it that sometimes, we lose the battle even after doing everything right?

Why is it that people we love will not love us in the way we desire, at the time we wish?

Why is it that just when we get attached to people we love, they begin to move away? And why is it that we can never love them the same way, when they do return?

Why is it that life is never like the movies, where whatever we have always wanted, becomes ours?

Why is it that someone has to hurt us terribly before we can find someone else who won’t for a long time?

Why is it that we show so many different faces to so many different people?

Why is it that though they say “nothing is impossible”, everything unusual we want happening is considered impossible?

Why is it that those of us who are vain, pretend we are humble and thus deceive themselves and everyone?

Why is it that people don’t want to see what is inside of us, unless they like what is outside?

Why do they say money can’t buy love, when in reality money assures love that it will be taken care of?

Why do they stress so much on our grades in school, only to forget them while we get out?

Why do they divide us based on religion and caste when they should actually divide us based on our thinking?

Why do they say “don’t fear death”, when actually it is something that turns our world upside down instantly?

Why do they say that silence is golden, when the regret of words unsaid, gnaws at us all through our lives?

Why do they say love has different faces, when it is essentially the same emotion with the same depth in every relationship with everyone on this planet?

Why do they call it a sin, when the emotion behind it is of the purest kind?

Why do they shred modernity, when it is the only way forward?

Why do they step all over you, when they know you have no evil intentions?

Why do they worship power, when it changes everybody in this world?

Why do they demote friendship, when it is the only relationship that doesn’t have a legal end?

These are some of the many questions in life that I will perhaps never truly figure out…

Road Rash Bangalored!!

After spending exactly 2 years on Bangalore roads, first on my tiny green Scooty and then on my sturdy black Activa, and surviving on what I would call ‘roads of perdition’, I decided to give out some useful guidelines to all you would-be daring-to-drive brave hearts in Bangalore. I call these the 7 Golden Rules:

1. Never underestimate your fellow riders
Don’t judge them by their gender, age, clothing, physical build or by the employee tags around their neck. Don’t assume that a cute-looking guy with a laptop over his shoulder and smartly dressed is going to think ‘ladies first’ and let you precede him through a narrow opening in the traffic. Experience says that you will still keep admiring his smart looks while he guns his massive bike through that gap with all he’s got. And if you are unfortunate to be a guy, then obviously you won’t be wasting time admiring him and so you will meet him head-on, front tyre-to-front tyre, and end up in a ‘battle of the abuses’.

2. Steer clear of amazing bikes
If you are a guy reading this you will definitely know what I am talking about when I speak of amazing bikes. They are those that make you crawl with envy and even the 350cc pulsar looks like a kid’s toy in front of these super bikes. Now now, don’t get so carried away that you want a closer look, for if you do find yourself in very close proximity to these bikes, you have to be prepared to be mowed aside in moments, when those crazy machines take the road. The moment I spot a crazy machine in my rearview mirror, gunning at what seems to be 150kms per/hour, my pulse races and my hands get clammy. I feel death is beckoning me and I know at this very moment that if I don’t shift lanes NOW, it is NEVER. Did I tell you that these mean machines don’t have to touch your bike to throw you off-balance? Just being inches away from these power horses is enough. Now, if you are a guy who takes his male ego rather too seriously, you may also seriously want to hike up your motorcycle insurance.

3. Pray that you don’t face an orange traffic signal light
The orange traffic signal light is my biggest nightmare: in that fraction of 2 secs, my entire sense of integrity and smart judgement is on the line.

I have two options: gun my activa at full-speed, or slow it down like a respectable citizen and await the red light.

Now if it were as simple as just making a choice, this matter wouldn’t be such a big deal. But the problem is that you have to bear the consequences for both actions.

If you do gun your vehicle and manage to clear the finish line to the other side, Bravo! You did it!

If you get caught by a jobless traffic cop who probably wants a booty out of your pocket, then this could end up being the spoiler of your entire day! Most cases, if you feel at the nth moment that you can’t clear it, you can slam the brakes at that very last moment and then embarrassingly move your vehicle backwards under the glowering gaze of the nearest traffic cop.
Now what happens if you behave like a respectable citizen? You get unrespectable abuses and angry horns honking till you go deaf or until you get off your vehicle and abuse them back. Mostly, the latter works !

But pray that you don’t get one, ok?

4. Don’t lose your cool, if you can help it
For the first time ever, I was abused by a girl, who was definitely younger than me. She was on her tiny shocking-pink scooty pep right behind me at what was obvious to any non-blind person as a red traffic signal stop.

I was midway on an important call with my roomie who wanted to know my preference for dinner that night. There was this huge non-attractive truck ahead of me and there was a narrow gap between the truck and the divider which was as high as my chest while sitting on my two-wheeler.
This psychotic girl wanted me to squeeze my 100cc bike into that narrow gap, for what joy I know not. Maybe she lived in the matrix and thought she could go back in time and catch the green signal. Or maybe she wanted me to notice how ghastly her shocking-pink scooty looked in the night light. She kept honking and honking like as though it was her two-wheeler that had a PMS. I got off the call and turned to her and asked cooly, “where do you want to go? To the moon?” After this she finally settled down, but I was unhappy still.

There were swarms of vehicles ahead of us lined till the traffic signal which means we wouldn’t be able to clear the next green signal either. I accepted my fate and I moved steadily ahead when the signal turned green. I watched the ‘psycho: single brown female’ zip by like as though Vijay Mallya was waiting to recruit her for his F1 team. She had to screech to a complete halt as the signal turned red just in time for her to be the first in line for the traffic wait. There was the most satisfied smile on my face and I could not resist looking upwards with a wide grin and saying ‘thank you. I grinned all the way home.

5. Stay away from BMTC (Bulldozing Mankind Till Crushed) buses

For as long as I drive in Bangalore, I will never forget how close I came to being squashed by one!

I was riding my faithful green scooty of 6 years near St. John’s signal. I was in the wrong lane, like all 2 wheelers, but next to a BMTC bus that didn’t seem to care about my presence next to it. It didn’t help that I was in the ‘I-am-frustrated-about-Bangalore-traffic’ phase of my driving life. As the signal turned green, this massive dope of a bus, driven by an equal dope of a driver, turned left, conveniently scraping my Scooty and threatening to drag me with it had I not shrieked like a banshee in the native tongue that sounded like Kannada, at least to me!
Such was the impact of my shriek that the traffic warden came running and stopped when he noticed that my vehicle wasn’t really damaged and that all my limbs were in their respective places.
The passer bys at the bus stop were terrified of me. They probably thought I would draw a sword and behead them all any instant. The idiotic driver, at whom my abuses were directed at, however, cared a hoot whether I was dead or alive. Once the traffic warden assured him that I was indeed alive, he flagged him off to go like it was no big deal.

A traffic cop walked towards me to check if he could enlarge his wallet at my expense. Angered by the injustice of it all, I sped off, thereby breaking a traffic rule in a way I call justice, and cursing these two male-chauvinist pricks !!

Ever since then, I panic each time I am near a bus, Even if I survive an accident caused by the ruthlessness of a BMTC driver, I fear they will conspire against me and rob me not just of my righteously-earned money but also of my self-respect.

Beware! And yeah, it doesn’t help to be a lady on the road. No matter how carefully you drive, you are always the one to blame!

6. Don’t day-dream while fueling up
I have been cheated of fuel once: at Advaitha Petrol Bunk (BP), BTM Layout, near the Udupi Garden junction. Not that I was day dreaming, but was rather conversing with an attendant while the other pretended to fill for 50/-. Later they fill for 150/- (as I had asked for 200/-). Only when I started driving did I realize I was duped of the 50/- they had supposedly filled, but too late because I had no proof. Damn!

After this incident, I have noticed the malicious people at these bunks eyeing your wallet every now and then. Leaving Shell and HP petrol bunks, where integrity is as important as customer service, all the other bunks have an immoral code of conduct.

The foolish attendants think they are so charming looking that I will keep my eyes on them or listen to their meaningless banter while the other cheeky attendant starts filling up fuel without keeping it at 0 marking. The Indian Oil bunk, once again near BTM Layout-silk board area, tried pulling this on me. The poor chaps ended up losing money as they had to refill from 0. Ought to teach them a lesson!

No surprise that they target women mostly. Maybe they assume that we need to go to a fuel-filling class as well to know exactly what to do in a petrol bunk.


7. Buy a bike that you CAN balance
This is an earnest request to all you men and women who are planning on buying two-wheelers for yourselves. Please, please buy something you CAN manage.

I am disgusted with guys on pulsars and other big bikes that do a tango from left to right, trying hard to keep it going on a straight line. I know I will end up with an injury if they happen to crash into me! They will be left unfazed, still tangoing to find other unsuspecting fellow riders.

Use your head and not your B**** while buying a bike. Buy one that is apt for you and not what will make someone envy you! I have seen enough guys crashing on their pulsars just because they could not balance it right.

If you don’t heed my advice now, perhaps when you crash into a car and that burly driver gets out to beat you to a pulp (which too has happened a lot to guys in pulsars), will you realize the importance of choosing wisely!

Happy driving one and all!! 

Keep the faith?

I seem to be in a suspended state of mind: trying not to touch base with reality for there are realities I don’t want to face.I seem to have detached myself from them ever since two undesirable events have taken place in my life.

One: Losing a 2-yr long selfless battle for something I wasn’t afraid to stand up for.
Two: A dream I had housed for a major part of my life, now gradually seeming to be, just a dream!
Somewhere when these two events struck me, I distanced myself from overanalyzing the situation, as I normally do. I just took a deep breath and let it go, and convinced myself that if I ignored it, it never really happened.

Somewhere down this make-believe road, my conversations with the Almighty became shorter and rarer. Maybe I didn’t just blame myself for these failures, but Him too. And suddenly, I got myself into other kinds of pursuit that would make these tragedies feel a little less painful, maybe.

But that time has come and gone and now, as late as it is, I find myself a non-believer in the phrase “Nothing is impossible.” I am now seeing that there are things in life, many things in life that will always seem beyond our control no matter how hard we try.
I had always considered myself to be a firm believer in God and his powers, but sadly, my faith too took a beating.

While I am attempting to recover my once-optimistic self, I am learning to forgive myself for what I couldn’t do, and learn to trust in Him again!
As said by Stanislaw Lem, “Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible.”

The Assassination of Jesse James by Coward Robert Ford

Curl up in your bed on a cosy afternoon, switch off the lights in the room and prepare yourself to be taken into the lives of the old American West outlaws. Based on Ron Hansen’s 1983 novel of the same name, this story revolves around a outlaw named Jesse James, who was feared and revered at the same time to be the most intelligent and ruthless thief of his time.

This movie starts with a brilliant narrative that takes you through the life of Jesse James, the gang he formed with his brother, and the events that ultimately led to the end of his gang, and later his life.

To be honest, I had watched our desi- adapted version, Johhny Gaddar, prior to watching this original version. Ironically, Johhny Gaddar came to India before Jesse James, maybe because the latter had a delayed release. But nothing of what I watched in our Hindi remake prepared me to be amazed by a story so powerfully brought to life. You will certainly feel that these two movies are actually like two DIFFERENT movies.

The casting for this film is so perfect, that for days after watching this movie, I could not shake away the image of Brad Pitt as Jesse James and Casey Affleck as Robert Ford. I had always loved Brad Pitt, no doubts on that one; but to love Casey Affleck after watching him kill Brad Pitt, was something I can owe only to the extraordinary cadre of this movie.

I watched this film twice, something I don’t do even for movies I like a lot, and it thrilled me so much to see the screenplay enfold the way I anticipated. I loved every dialogue, every expression, and every event unfolded. It didn’t feel like a movie but rather like a play, and the characters seemed like they had been pulled out from real life.

I can’t understand how a movie so exceptional, got hidden in the maze of commercial films spewing out of our theatres now and then. If you are a fan of Brad Pitt, you just cannot afford to miss this film. I can parallel this performance of his to the one in Seven.

Long after you have watched this film, I assure you, you will find yourself ruminating and wondering how it felt to be living in the time of Jesse James.

Revolutionary Road

Revolutionary road, based on a novel by Richard Yates by the same name, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revolutionary_road), showcases the lives of a young couple Frank and April Wheeler. It begins as a regular movie-on-marriage and goes beyond the definition of filming a young married couple.

As you proceed, you realize that the fights that seem trivial are not really trivial, and the dreams they discuss aren’t all that feasible. The mood gets grimmer as the movie progresses, not disappointing but connecting with life as we know it.

If you came to watch this movie for an encore of Leonardo-Kate steam, you will be left surprised. There is steam alright, but it blows everywhere and out of proportion. Their amazing on-screen chemistry is what gives this movie its real edge as you watch them and go like a ping-pong ball, “they fit together”, “no they don’t”, “yes they fit together”, “no they don’t”.

The powerful narrative, however, doesn’t let you make that decision, making you feel powerless, not knowing what is coming.

Personally, I feel this movie is highly under-rated and is a must-watch if you are the type who likes seeing reality on screen. If you live in a fairly-tale world, don’t burst your bubble by venturing to watch this one.

Milk

This movie took further the concept introduced by movies like Brokeback Mountain. While Brokeback concentrated only on Gay love, Milk took off where it left off, stating ‘yeah we know we gays are tortured, so what do we do about it?”

Everything in this film has been set in the right proportions. Nothing is out of place: no extra dialogues, no extra scenes. Though this film revolves around the life of the central character Harvey Milk, a real-life gay activist in the 70s in the state of California, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_Milk), he is not larger than the theme of the film: a fight for gay civil rights.

Months ago, while I watched the Oscars, I was disappointed to learn that Brad Pitt lost the Best Actor Oscar to Sean Penn, who played Harvey Milk. Now that I have watched the movie, I seriously have my doubts about Sean Penn’s sexual orientation, in spite of knowing he is happily married with grown up kids. He was the perfect Harvey Milk brought to life again. His mannerisms, his smile, his persona, all screamed gay right from the first time you laid your eyes on him in this movie.

If you are a homophobe, maybe you will get rid of your phobia as you watch this brilliance on screen. Milk just makes you realize one thing that all religions preach from time to time: Who are we to judge, for we are all human!

Personally, I think this movie was a great piece of work and deals with really controversial and sensitive issues that we may have to face, some time down the line. I hope this movie is an eye-opener for you, just as it was for me.

Two waves that crash at my shore!

There are two of them in my life: unique but similar. My equation with both is identical and at times I am not able to distinguish the better one or the weirder one.

They keep me on my toes all the time: leaving me wondering after something crazy just happened between us.

They are 2 souls I call friends. They are different in their thinking, their habits, their likes, dislikes, turn-ons and turn-offs; living in different parts of the same city, in different worlds leading different lives.

And yet, when I am with one, I often am reminded of being with the other.

They get a mention here, because of the sheer power they seem to have on my will. They can make me turn 180 degrees any time anywhere. I tell myself that I have a mind of my own but when I am with them, all reason goes out of the window. They seem to influence my behavior so much that I find myself behaving differently and convincing myself that this is the new me.

And it doesn’t help matters that I claim to know them in and out, because most of the times I don’t. In fact I have no clue to what really goes on in their mind. I don’t have access to their thoughts like they have to mine and I ask myself, “how did it ever get this way?”

They are people I just cannot ignore when I look at my life gone by because in so many ways they are rooted in my memories; they are among the few I have felt inseparable with in spite of all the ego clashes, hurt and pain.

When I befriended the first, I said to myself,”this friend is definitely unique. I won’t ever befriend such a person again.”

When I befriended the second, I said to myself,” this friend is not at all like the first one. ” Who was I kidding?

Most people in my life are not big fans of the way they are; I, on the other hand, like to believe in them against all odds. I feel they are special, unique, talented in a way I have always wanted to be (not that I feel inadequate, I am quite happy with myself, thank you). When people around me give them wary looks, I am only proud to walk by their side flaunting the friendship I share with them, that I call truly mine to have. My loyalty never lets me leave their side.

But then comes the dark night to every shining day: and I am not able to hold my own against them. I collapse inwardly at the slightest sign of a flaw in my near-perfect colossal friends. And I feel all is lost. Suddenly I begin to question the basis of my loyalty. And I feel betrayed: betrayed by my emotions and notions.

And then, swiftly as they came, they disappear, like waves at a shore, never to be seen again for a long long time. And you will find me waiting at the shore, calling out for them, only to hear my own voice echoing back at me.

And just when I feel I can’t stand there longer, other friends, the ones who I rely on throughout my life come engulf my feet, holding it firmly, making sure I don’t fall.

But they always return: those two waves. They come crashing separately, when I am least expecting them. And when they arrive, they make me feel like they never left. And I am at a loss for what course of action to take.

Most of the times, I just stand put, hoping they don’t want me around. But they do. They always do! I let them take the lead, as always. I go surfing into their lives, enjoying the thrill they have to offer me however short, knowing that the steady friends in my life are always around, waiting to catch me if I fall.

And once again, sometime soon, they leave as soon as they arrived.
They come when the wind blows the strongest, and a storm is on the horizon.

And I let myself be carried away, even if for a little while.

The magic that is Shahrukh Khan!

Are you smirking at this very instant with your eyebrows raised thinking, “wha?? Shahrukh??? Really?”

Yes, you dear reader are the very person I am putting this post up for.

When I first saw him atop that bike in a brown leather jacket, lipsynching to a romantic number, my heart skipped a beat. I was only 10 years old and I suddenly knew what it felt like to be in love :)

Until he came along, Hindi movies meant Govinda, Mithun and Chunky Pandey. Shahrukh changed everything about the way I watched Hindi movies. Suddenly, here was a guy, who easily looked like my kinda guy: sharp features, thick scruffy hair and wild. I liked everything and anything about him.

From the pick of sportstars and filmstars I adored, only he managed to find his place on the walls of my bedroom: a life-size poster gifted by a classmate. In that place in my room, it was almost like he was there in flesh and blood, my eye-candy!
I remember once in high school, when I was about 14 yrs old, a rumour passed around that he was dead. It was a big rumour mind you, and now after reading his biography it was probably a cause of concern back then. Like most Shahrukh fans in my class, I believed it and I was instantly heartbroken and dry-eyed, the way I get in the first few moments when a tragedy befalls me.

Suddenly the world felt empty. I mean, how I could imagine the world without Shahrukh Khan? I hadn’t even got enough of him on the television and now I won’t be able to watch any more of his movies?

He was the only actor whose flopped movies I adored more than his successful ones. Yes, it was years later that I watched DDLJ and I didn’t like it better than Yes Boss. Call me crazy, but you see, that is why I like him so much: for me the movie is about the person behind that character than the character himself. While I felt that the guy in DDLJ wasn’t Shahrukh, there was a shower of humanness in the way he dealt with his love for his boss’s girl in Yes Boss that I noticed as very much like him!!

It didn’t matter to me that my high-school friends came to me first after watching Yes Boss and said “Anne, the movie is no good!” I watched it anyway and loved it and in a way it bothered me when people would say stuff like “he is past his success”. I hated all the comparisons to Salman, Aamir and Akshay. How could they??
Most of my celebrity dreams at night, those that are obviously involuntary, showed me being a part of his life or rather he being a part of mine. As I grew older, I lost all my teenage crushes on the stars, but he was always there somewhere in the recesses of my mind.

I stopped taking offence to people abusing him because it pleased me that I still liked him: that face, those mannerisms and that voice. It is almost like he was an unforgettable memory of my teenage life!

When I was well past my teenage I discovered how witty he really is and my vision of him as a person grew exponentially. Suddenly it didn’t matter if I watched his movies or not. I liked him anyway. And I housed a dream that I hope to fulfill someday: of meeting him face-to-face, staring into those fierce brown eyes and hearing him greet me by name.

When I happened to see Mannat, the palatial house that is his inheritance for his children Aryan and Suhana, it wasn't something I had expected to see. At the first glance it looked something like a commercial building. But to actually stand there and gape at the tall structure, knowing that was his home, felt a little unreal.


I recently read his biography by Anjum Chopra and fairly enough it was the first biography I had ever read in my life. I wanted to test my admiration for him and I took the reading rather casually, telling myself I would finish it when I could, at ease. But I was lost, each time I flipped those pages and discovered things about him that only drew me closer to him. Not just good things, but bad things too. All his arrogance, confidence and determination felt so similar to mine. The way he had once looked up at the midnight sky at Marine Drive in Mumbai, way before his career took off, with no money in his hand, and said, “One day I will rule this city!”, well it kind of drew parallel with my own departure from Mangalore to begin my career.

And he did….He did rule the city in style. And he silenced all those who critiqued everything from his looks, to his acting to his style. And I so admire him for achieving what he set out to achieve that it gives me immense hope for what lies ahead for me.

Here is a man who learned to fight against all odds in his life, fight against all people who belittled him and romped the box office for a decade; he changed the face of Hindi Cinema as we know it; he became the first style quotient of the Indian male struggling to be recognized on the world stage. He took Bollywood to a new level worldwide.

And as he quietly leaves the scene today for younger blood to take his place, with wrinkles on his forehead and a mature smile on his face, man, I still feel so much in love with him! It is not about the clothes, the make-up or the toned body. It is his face: those eyes, filled with hopes and dreams that he carried through and brought to completion. It is them that I will always remember for they captured the heart and imagination of a 10 year old small-town girl thousands of miles away.

Shahrukh, you really are a Baazigar! You lost everything you had to go all out for what you wanted.
And, you are having the last laugh.
Yours Truly,
Your most loyal fan.

This year that is...

Before my readers think I have gone underground or have been shot dead by the Taliban, let me re-start my blogging habits till work pulls me away again.

An update on the Opiniator’s life since 2009 began.

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Jan 2009:
This month saw a lot of unrest in our country. But what really gave me unrest is watching a company I spent 2 years of my career in, go tumbling down. As much as I felt safe that I was saved from this tragedy that befell my ex-colleagues, it took me some deep-in-thought moments to actually digest this event.
I felt strange through and through and I reacted like how I do when something really shocks me: an empty laugh echoing my disbelief! Years later, if I mentioned my first job to someone younger, would they even recall this once-colossal organisation or say, “eh? Which company is that again?”
Of course it wasn’t just my first company that went down that month. A few old friendships went down the drain. No, they weren’t from Satyam, but rather from a rival company, whose rivalry was of the least importance to me to begin with. Somehow they got lost in some irrelevant email forward to really understand my moment of mourning. They messed with me big time, in a most unforgivable manner. And though I am someone who forgives too easily, this was something I wasn’t prepared to let go.
Looking back at it now, I don’t regret their departure from my life. The best part was seeing the people who really mattered, stick up for me through all this mess.

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Feb 2009:
This month seemed to hold a lot of promise for me. Something unexpected happened and I thought I had met my soul mate. Later it turned out he was just a decoy. God and his sense of humour!
The good part was, I suddenly transformed into this happy-go-lucky person whose energy levels had reached an all-time high. I felt good day in and day out. Little bothered me in those days.

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March 2009:
This month was the most revelational so far. March was a month for some endings and some beginnings. I left my old workplace and went to a newer one; left the guy who was hooked to me and went by on my own; had an out-of-station trip and saw something I have always longed to see: Shahrukh Khan’s bungalow!( He gets a special post later.)
This month ended soon as it began.

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April 2009:
This month awakened me. I shifted my life into first gear, taking challenges head-on; doing everything and anything I felt like doing; and for the first time in 2 years feeling that it aint so bad to be 26 soon, coz in my mind I still felt like 15: and no one, no one could take THAT away from me, not even destiny!
I finally bought myself a BSA bike to cycle around the quiet beautiful streets of Bangalore in the mornings (this will get a separate post soon). By doing something I had planned from such a long time, I certainly felt a high!

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May 2009:
This month…what can I say about it? It is my favourite month of the year! Not just because I was born in this month, but because somehow, I feel that each day in this month has something special happening. So many of my friends were born in this month and little wonder that they have been so precious to me!
The best month in Bangalore has to be May! When else can you see the flowers in full bloom. It was mannah to the eyes to see such beautiful sights everywhere I cycled.
True to my Gemini nature, I always take to the air around me. I am someone who looks up at the sky, at the sunlight streaming through the tree tops for inspiration, motivation and courage. It is when I am gazing at the beauty of it all and taking it in that my mind feels free and my body very much alive. It has been in such moments that I have made plans only to see them fulfilled some time down the line. It is my way of connecting with nature and in a special way with God himself! It is almost like he is listening to me and understanding every thought that goes through my mind!
It is no surprise then, that I instantly feel a change within me on the 21st. It is not something that is make-believe. I feel it and I know that I have changed..somehow, somewhere deep inside!

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When this year began, I felt like it was going to be a big year for me. Maybe it is going to be my year! Maybe, this year will change my life as I know it.
And I am all for it.

I am closing my eyes to the warm sunshine, the cool breeze whizzing past my face as I race past boulevards that welcome me every day.

Here I come!

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Woman: Would you still love me when my skin is old and saggy?
Man : Would you still love me when I get acne, start wetting my bed and am afraid of something downstairs?

If this conversation looks really odd to you, then that is exactly what you can expect in this out-of-the ordinary piece of art on film!

You thought that your life was weird, growing older, seeing yourself change and get wiser. Would you feel less weird if life was backwards?

Would you love to have an older looking body while your parents who looked after you, had a much younger one? Would you love to meet people in their childhood only to hook up with them romantically when they were older?

I have always wondered how it would feel to age backwards; maybe I would love it if I had someone to age backwards with.

So what happens when you are the only one ageing backwards? Watch this movie to find out.

This film is marked by a catchy narrative, thought-provoking dialogues, brilliant moments and outstanding performances.

This film is a must-see for all Brad Pitt fans (I am a big one). This is perhaps the only time you will get to watch him in all stages of life. What a treat! Apart from looking his usual delicious self, his performance leaves every girl wishing she was a part of Benjamin Button's life.

If you think I have said too much already, you are mistaken. You ain't know nothing yet!

My rating for this movie: 5/5

I end this review with a quote from the movie...

"Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss!"

Slumdog Millionaire??

The fact that this movie has evoked my need to review movies again on my blog, is the only credit I would offer this 130-minute piece of nonsense!

As if the name 'slumdog' isn't offensive enough to those living in the slums, the fact that the London-based director Danny Boyle has picked a London-based Indian boy, with an unmistakeable English accent, to play the part of a slum boy, offends the intelligence of this film's viewers!

In which part of India would you see a boy living on the street speak so fluently in a crisp English accent? I am really interested to know!

This film seems confused in its choice of language. The slum kids grow up speaking shuddh Mumbai Hindi complete with Hindi bhajans and abuses and suddenly when they are teenagers they start rambling in 'dude-english', the kind you see only in Hollywood.

Maybe Danny didn't know what he was aiming for: The Bollywood Filmfare Awards or The Hollywood Oscars. With a bit of tango, he has got lucky with the latter.

Critics of this film are right in proclaiming that this film is nothing about India. It is in fact a mockery of our struggle to match up to the superpower countries.

This film boasts of India in its cruelty to slum kids, which wouldn't take place in a country like America; where a boy in the slum has no idea who Mahatma Gandhi is, but is aware of Benjamin Franklin's impression on the dollar; where there seems to be no hope for slum children but to end up as prostitues or gangsters or in this case, win a jackpot; where the host of a reality show wouldn't give a damn about insulting a show contestant from a humble background on national television (something neither Shahrukh nor Amitabh have done and that is why it surprises me!)

This film is perhaps a way for the first world countries to have fun at the expense of our country. Thanks to the extremely well-meaning, patriotic and loyal Indian cast and crew of this film who have sold their country to the world for a few extra dollars.

This movie may win a couple of oscars, but it can never win a place in the heart of a true Indian!

Mangalore or Manga-la-vooru?

Back in 2006 when I left my home in Mangalore to start my career, I had a hard time explaining to people where I went, whenever they asked me about my home town.

"You mean Bangalore?" they would ask, to which I would reply, practically pulling my hair out, "No, it is Mangalore, starting with an M!!."

Thanks to the recent church attacks and the fresh-out-of-the-oven pub attack on women, Mangalore has now been placed on the map!! My hearty congratulations to the heartless scoundrels for inflicting this torture on the innocent and vulnerable weaker sections of the society!

And my warm thanks to the pretentious, two-faced tyrannical government that closes its eyes to these atrocities.

Thanks to you all, for now everyone knows that I come from a town where my innocent bretheren are denied justice! Thanks for forming a Taliban regime in the once-peaceful and free town of Mangalore.

Maybe you should rename the town in memory of your heroic deeds and call it 'Manga-la-vooru' which translates to 'the town of monkeys'. After all we seem to be going back to the pre-historic age, aren't we??

Satyam, Business Demands No More?

9th August 2006…This day saw the end of a frustrating era in my life. Prior to this, I have been constantly agitated at not being able to qualify for the first round for campus selections thanks to the “no-backlogs” criteria.

This day, despite all the odds, given my two-wheeler breaking down an hour before the written test, I learned to believe in fate.

10th August 2006…This day, goes down as one of the happiest days in my life. I achieved what I never thought I could in all my engineering days: being one of the first in my batch to land a job…

I can’t forget that day, even if I want to. The jubilation and the ecstasy of getting into Satyam as a Software Engineer Trainee..with my best friend, it felt so unreal...

I will stop here. I won’t go into the details of my next 2 years at Satyam, because that is not what this blog is about.

To me, the importance of being associated with Satyam, starts and ends with those two days. Those two days made me realize a few things I won’t forget for the rest of my life:

• Aim for the stars, and chances are, you may just land up there.
• Let no one belittle you by what they say or do. Let no one say there is something you are not capable of. You have your own self-worth and learn to believe in it.
• It is never too late to start afresh.

Satyam rescued me from a state of lost hope to that of a path of self-improvement.

Today, in the eyes of the world, Satyam may have lost its value. People may call the company tainted. But ask yourselves this..

How can you write off a company that changed the lives of thousands of young graduates like me? How can you write off an entrepreneur who sent soaring the careers of thousands of youngsters?

If it wasn’t for Satyam, perhaps I may not have reached where I am today.

I think the company, any company for that matter, is bigger than any individual. A company is a collage of thousands of lives intertwined; a company is a place where dreams are born and fought for; a company is not determined by a balance sheet or the figures that throw up in accounting;

A company holds the sentiments and aspirations of thousands.

As I see the sad plight of that company that gave me a headstart in my career, I have only this to say to my ex-colleagues at Satyam:

"You can take from every experience what it has to offer you. And you cannot be defeated if you just keep taking one breath followed by another. "--Oprah Winfrey

In My MInd...

In my mind...

I can feel my dreams are for real

I can think so big that it would leave a smile on my face

I can picture myself with/away from whomever I wish

I can imagine a perfect world, my world

I can see myself 20 years from now

I can imagine my worst fears coming true and laugh at them

I can line up everyone I have ever met in one place

I can hold onto the things/people I like for as long as I wish

I can go back and edit my life so that it has a different outcome each time

I can be whoever I want to be

I can rule my own life, and also lives of those I would love ruling (evil laugh)

I can change every bad/sad memory to a cheerful one

I can change everything I have ever believed in


It's all in the mind..If only we learn to open up to our own minds...

It's all in the mind!